Couples and Money: A Need for Deeper Understanding

For financial planners and advisors, a client’s financial life is often viewed from an analytical and practical perspective within the context of the client’s financial goals. But this logical approach frequently overlooks the largely hidden emotional and behavioural dynamics that truly drive a client’s behaviours. A person’s financial decisions are rarely just about the numbers; they’re deeply rooted in subconscious patterns, beliefs, and emotions that are often hard-wired in early childhood. Without the ability to understand and “name” these unconscious dynamics, couples often find themselves highly challenged to talk about money in a healthy way, which can greatly impede the planning process and ultimately, erode the intimacy and harmony of the relationship itself.

This is where money coaching can become a crucial tool for financial advisors. It allows them to move beyond the surface-level data and address the emotional “why” behind their clients’ financial “what.”

A classic example is a client who chronically spends beyond their means despite a sound budget. A traditional advisor might see this as a lack of discipline. A money coach, however, would dig deeper, asking questions to uncover the emotional driver: Is the spending a way to cope with stress? Is it tied to a feeling of unworthiness or a need for external validation? By identifying this root cause, the advisor can help the client develop a lasting solution, not just a temporary fix.

Another common scenario involves couples who use money as a shield to avoid difficult conversations. A husband might refuse to consider moving closer to his children, citing market costs, when his true reason is a subconscious desire to avoid conflict with his wife. The financial advisor, unaware of this dynamic, might create a financial plan based on the client’s stated desire to save for a down payment in the future. With a money coaching lens, the advisor would recognize the financial objection as a smoke screen. This insight allows them to gently facilitate a conversation about the underlying relationship issue, freeing the couple to be honest about their goals and enabling the advisor to create a more relevant and effective plan.

By incorporating money-coaching techniques, financial advisors can:

• Build Deeper Trust: Addressing a client’s fears and anxieties about money fosters a stronger, more trusting relationship than simply managing their assets.
• Increase Plan Adherence: A client who understands the emotional drivers of their financial behaviours is more likely to stick with a long-term plan because it’s built on a foundation of self-awareness.
• Uncover Hidden Goals: Money coaching helps unearth a client’s true financial goals, which may be different from what they initially articulated.

Ultimately, money coaching transforms the financial planning process from a purely analytical exercise into a holistic and transformational experience. It empowers advisors to be more than just money managers—they become trusted guides who can help clients navigate the emotional and behavioural influences of their financial lives, leading to more profound and lasting change, and in turn, deep gratitude and trust.